I remember just before going to the hospital, looking at my daughter and thinking this is it. This is the last time that I see you that you will be my only child. This is the last time that you will be the youngest. The last time that you will be my only baby.
Although I am not an overly emotional person I couldn’t help but feel all the feels at this point. What if I failed her, what if she did not want a brother? What if she resent us for not being able to go on our quick adventures anymore but instead spending so much time preparing everyone to go out, packing nappy bags and just as you are about to head out the door having to change a poop nappy! What if we made the wrong decision or if we cannot handle two?! These are all the thoughts that crossed my mind as I kissed her goodbye.
As people are prone to do, everybody told us horror stories about having two kids. That it is tough, impossible to manage two under two. We were so nervous but since the moment Chrido came home it felt like our family is complete. Lila grew into a different little person overnight – she became a big sister. Proud, helpful, loving and brave. I could not have been prouder of her.
I will never forget the look on my daughters face the first time she saw her brother. It showed total confusion, wonder and awe all in one. She kept on looking from me to him and back to me trying to make out who this little person is. If only I could know what was going on in her mind at that moment.
Once she took it all in all she wanted to do was hold him and this is still all she wants to do. She puts her little arms out and say “come”. She wants to hold him at every opportunity, kiss him, hug him and when she gets home from school she runs to greet him before greeting anyone else. She draws him pictures, says goodnight to him and help wherever she can by putting his clothing in the washing basket, picking up his dirty nappy or trying to help bathe him – all this without us even asking her to do anything.
We took Chrido for his BCG vaccine and Lila came along, after wards she had to go for her flu vaccine. All through the vaccine she did not cry but the concentration on her face was absolute – she was trying to be brave for her brother. Only at the end did she cry a little. My heart felt about 10 times bigger at this moment.
This is my daughter, this beautiful loving person and she loves having a baby brother – I did not fail her, I did not disappoint her. I gave her a lifelong friend, a person of her very own. Someone who will, God willing, be there far beyond our years to walk this life with her, next to her. They will love and guide each other, for that I will be forever grateful.
Featured image and first image of Líla and Chrido by Lizelle Krige Photography